30 Jul

Still..moving no where in life.


I just want a  good sleep

Where I feel refreshed and uninterrupted. BUT NO.

Roommate..other roommate. Parties. I mean, I guess one of them has a birthday but for me…I celebrate in modest. Not him. Loud. Really loud. Through the walls and closed door loud. And so, after waking up to this, I figured my roommate has left to stay at his not-gf but more than fb in which has been over there everyday. His bed is unslept in. Serious. I locked the door on this assuption and…I don’t know…locking doors just gives you a sense of security of being in your own bubble. Even if its..rude I guess, I just didn’t want anyone bursting in to celebrate or w/e. YEAH, ITS GLOOMY..I know. But I really am not the celebrating-party kind of person. I would love to be…who wouldn’t? Be able to scream, yell, drink, dance to your hearts content until you past out? It sounds…fun. But that’s just not me. I can’t be and will never be. Its more than just a reservation and negative attitude, I’m just not that kind of person. I have taken such a placid attitude towards life that..well…this is just who I am.

Of course…I have tried to…fit in. And it just doesn’t work. I tried and it does not work. So of course I feel bad about being “rude” and “unsociable” in that environment but I’m me. Anyways, lost a bit on what I was saying..

Oh right, my roommate comes back unexpectedly and was like “Aguh the rooms locked again?! Always locking the room!”

And In my mind I’m pretty much exploding. This guy…I like him..but he has serious selfish problems and issues! Not considerate at all to the point where if I suspect that there is a universal judge of karma/w/e he’d be judged as a selfish jerk.
1) NEVER EVER cleans out of his own volition. Unless he is told to, he does not clean his mess.
2) NEVER EVER cleans communal mess. Ie take out the trash, clean the bathroom, general cleaning. NOPE. NEVER on his own. And even when asked or suggested he never does it. Two months back, he threw a big dinner event. Who cleans it the entire week? (it was like 10 ppl in a small apt..lots of dishes and cooking) Me and the other roommate. He didn’t clean ANYTHING. And he threw it! And no, he didn’t cook everything. I cooked somethings too and I didn’t have a lot of budget but I bought my own ingredients and even helped some of his cost…never once did he offer to reimbursed me for anything. I spent more than he did. Which is stupid non?
3) Oh and his excuses are “I’m busy” or “I’m poor”. He’s always complaing about those two things. BUT he goes out with his friends and that one girl I always mention since two months ago… EVERY NIGHT. Every fucking night and day he’s gone. Daytime= internship Afternoon till next Morning= gone. He goes out and eats out and etc and he comes home complaining about how broke he is. He then mooches off of me. Its driving me crazy. I mean this year he’s been sooooooooooo dick-ish and really taking advantage of me!
-Has not bought his own detergent the entire year
-Did not buy toilet paper for pretty much 3/4 of the year
-Always borrowing money for laundry and has never paid me back…THAT shits expensive!
-Always mooches ramen…I can’t say no because…no one would refuse a hungry person right? That’s wrong. But as I said earlier, he’s broke because he goes out like a man-slut and comes back broke so he mooches.
-Doesn’t clean. I clean for him…a lot actually. In the past, stock pile of dishes? I’d clean. Bathroom? Me. General cleaning? me. I mean eversince our other roommate’s moved in he’s been cleaning a lot more than me so I’m really grateful but I’ve cleaned multiple times on my on volition. THIS GUY however, has not. EVER. Even after we told him to. He’s too busy “away”.
-mm laundry..food…oh right, I helped him fix his computer because lo and behold “I’m a nerd”. I don’t get much thanks from it.
– the whole locking door thing. Seriously? You don’t even come home anymore until early morning and then just eat, play music loudly, shower, then leave again for like 22 hours. I know I have some issues but I just want security. Its weird as fuck to have a roommate that is only there in name. i mean we’ve been rooming for 4 years and this is the first time its like…ghost. Its almost like I have the room to myself so yes, I like to lock the door.
– money. Broke complainer does not reciprocate finanical debt to his roommates. I mean for me its just a lot of mooched food, a years worth of detergent, lots of laundry money, and some pg&e…. he owes my other roommate too. And most annoying bit? He brags about how broke he is! I know its like meant to be a joke but seriously? Your actions do not reflect your state of affairs. As I said…goes out every night for the last two months but complains about how little money he has. Claims he’s frugel and saving money but he gets a set sum from his mother every month and just wastes it early by going out a lot like not grocery shopping but eating at restaurants ie more expensive. 
-My affair? I get food every month. And occasional money for groceries if my mother can not make it. I also have to save up for pg&e because lo and behold, I’m in charge of it. I’m in such a sorry state that I haven’t eaten out in two months..unless you count using the burger king gift card. yeah, I sound pathetic. But I do grocery shopping. Not as of late as again, saving for pg&e…summer= ac= prices taht are too damn high.
-Anyways..I’m getting more annoyed with his attitude that he’s been living here even though he’s not here. Analogy wise..think of it as a father that’s always working. He assumes that he’s still the father but because he’s never there at home, the kids and wife just can’t be close to him anymore. Its like that.
-Anyways anyways, he’s been mooching but saying things like “If its a problem, you can tell me”. For reals? if its a problem or if you think it is, then don’t fucking do it. Don’t ask. I honestly will not let someone starve if I can help it. Especially if its my roommate and friend of 4 years. Hobos on the other hand…I really can’t. I do not have the money to help people. But this guy is living in the same room as me. I can’t watch him starve.

anyways x3 ….I’m just ranting..I’m tired. I’m moving back home in a depressed manner because my life is terrible, I’m broke, I have a degree in shit, and I can’t get a job. Yep. Fun times. Plus the interenet back home is horrible, I hate the environment and location (mother moved in the summer to the new place two years back…basically i’m a stranger to my own home) and she has a live-in boyfriend. Super looking forward  to that.

I’m such a neet.

I hope I don’t commit suicide in the future..

But reality is grim.




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