I feel like…

29 Jun

I feel like… Kafka’s Metamorphosis,
Changing and changing but into nothing of significance.

I feel like… The Magic Chalk man of Japanese Lore,
Creating worlds and bounds of imagination, only to be nothing in the end and disappear.

I feel like… Echo, from the Greek Mythos of Lore,
Loving and loved but faded with naught but sound.

To Much Ado About Nothing…
I have deactivated my Facebook Account.

I’m not dead and will not die,
but I am dying or is this living?


Well! That was my “poetic” bit >x< at least, I felt that it was poetic. But yes..real life is just too much stress.
Graduated= lost. No proper resume or direction. I got a degree but what now mother? What good is a degree if I do not know what to do or where to go? I do not have stellar grades. I do not have ample experience. Although I dabbled in various fields, I mastered none. I wish not to go back home and wither away. I love you mother, but I simply can not stay! Yet…a job. I need a job. But where and how? Not just any job mind you, but a career. A…mean of gaining social status of being “prosperous” or “living a decent life”. I wish not for boundless wealth (though that would be nice), just a home and to be able to live with the person I love. Work the days, live the nights. Although she may be in Japan, I too wish to be with her in the future. I wish for naught though as my field is not in “demand” and I am not “experienced”. I will try, I have to. But…empty words fall on death ears. I simply can not get motivated. I am wasting away and I know this yet…I am not motivated. I am beyond motivation! It is pathetic to know you are doomed and yet, you do nothing even if you want to. What is this… dilemma? Is it a mental block? Or am I simply too ambivalent and lethargic? Sometimes, I wish for a disease or a condition. Anything, no matter how bad, to able to have an excuse or reasoning (subjectively speaking) to explain my current behavior and state. I pray…tomorrow, that I get my “act” together.

El Psy Congroo.

PS: Draven out! 


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